Drunken Charm

This is from way back in the day when I was just beginning to start to figure things out. For me its really funny to look at this and see how much I’ve changed since. I always got a kick out of this one. Maybe you will too.

Long story short (or as short as my wordy can get it) This chick finds me on MySpace. A half-hawiian, half-asian runway model named Whoa (That’s her actual, real effin’ name). She was an easy 9 in the looks department. Anyway, so we start conversing back and forth via MySpace, and then after a day or so of that we exchange numbers. I give her a call and we agree to hang out. Workin’ around her’s and my schedule we decide she’ll come over sunday night and hangout. She could only come after midnight for some reason (strange chick).

I call her around 11:30 sunday night to give her directions to my place, but when I call she tells me she just got home and doesn’t really feel like comin’ over. I said “whatever” and got off the phone. A few minutes later I text her the following:

“I have to say that’s pretty weak, Whoa. I even cleaned my toilet for you. I like you and everthing, but I just don’t put up with flakiness. Take care.”

I quickly get a call from her. She said that she had to park her car about 2 blocks from her place and didn’t feel safe walkin’ to it, but if I wanted to come pick her up, then she’d be down for hangin’ out. So I said okay. My roommate had blocked my motorcycle in the driveway so I just decided to take his car (a 96 Toyota Camry).

So I drive about 10 miles north to her place. I pull up in the most unimpressive car you’ll ever see. I give her a call and she comes down. She’s wearin’ a sexy black top, with super tight jeans and a black leather jacket. Oh, and for some reason she was wearing sunglasses (God knows I called her out on it, and she gave some bullshit answer . . . whatever, she’s hott). So off we go, back to my place . . . or that was the plan at least. About 4 miles down the road the car starts smokin’ and burnin’ oil like crazy and we very quickly find ourselves stranded on the side of the interstate with nothin’ but a loss for words.

Ya know, shit like this happens. Whatcha gonna do but just roll and deal with the situation? This chick is cool about it for a total of about 40 seconds. She’s like, “Your better call somebody now.” So, I ended up calling a cab to come pick her up. It took a good 45 minutes for the cabby to actually find us, which very well could have been the longest 45 minutes of her and my life. Pure silence. I did my best to try and lighten the situation, but she was NOT HAVIN’ IT. All I got from here were little bitchy comments here and there.

Finally the cab shows up. I give here some cash for the cab ride and right as I go in for a goodnight kiss I get a car door slammed in my face (I’m obviously joking, I’m not that clueless). So, she goes home and I stay stranded on the side of the road till around 3AM when I finally got hold of a tow truck to take me and my roommate’s car back home.

By the time I got back, she had already deleted and blocked me from her MySpace account. Which saved me the fuckin’ trouble right? But let’s all give Whoa a round of applause. We need more women like her if we’re gonna have any chance of Keepin’ Dallas Pretentious.

It’s a beautiful thing.

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