The Infamous Dollhouse Story
Way back when I first started hanging with Timmy, and still a little green, I (like a lot of guys) had a little trouble sexually escalating. I didn’t like touching people and I sure as hell didn’t like being touched, so I decided to make it my personal mission to try and overcome this.
It was a Monday night, so Timmy and I hit up one of the only places (at the time) to hit on Mondays, Martini Ranch. As we walk in I notice that the place is already packed - and with lots of sexy latinas (which I love). Tim and I end up befriending a dude who’s birthday it was, and in return introduced us to every sexy single Latina he brought with him.
Within 15 minutes we owned the place, and it was easily starting to become one of the best nights of my life. At one point I start to walk up the ramp that leads to the patio. Next to the window outside was this sexy brunette looking in. Right before I walk past her, I stop and face her from the other side of the glass and start grooming myself as if the window was a mirror. As soon as Tim and I walk outside, I strike up a conversation with her. She then precedes to ask us why we were drinking water. Truth be told, I didn’t really drink at the time, but I had rode my motorcycle to the bar and drinking and driving that thing is just a big NO-NO. So, after telling her this she says, “I want to see your bike!” I immediately grab her arm and lead her out to the parking lot.
When we get to my bike, she looks at it for a bout two seconds and then says, “Hey, A doll house!” evidently I had parked in front of a daycare center that had a small playground next to it. In front of my bike, just beyond the little picket fence, was, in fact, a little playhouse for the kids. It was pink with a little door and window. It had white trim and even a fake chimney at the top. I then turn back and look at her.
ME: Wanna go inside?
HER: Uhh . . .
Before she even had a chance to speak, I grab her arm and lead her toward the little picket fence. We then hop over the fence and crawl inside.
Inside the play house we both just sit there for a moment. You can tell from the look in her eyes that she’s waiting for me to do something, so I decide to man-up and go for it. We immediately start making out. The next thing I know, her shirt and her bra is off. She suggests we play a little game of truth or dare. I go first.
ME: Truth or dare?
HER: Um . . . Truth.
ME: What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?
HER: Um . . . Sneak into I kid’s playhouse with a guy I just met five minutes ago.
We laughed and then it was her turn.
HER: Truth or dare?
ME: Dare.
HER: I dare you to take off your pants and run around the outside of this dollhouse.
ME: (Laugh) If you say so.
I unlace my shoes and remove my pants. The next thing I know, I find myself running around this playground in nothing but my underwear.
I climb back inside the dollhouse. The girl is sitting on the ground laughing her ass off. I pull her up to her feet and begin kissing her again, then I place her hand inside my boxer briefs. Before too long she is giving me what comedian Ron White refers to as a “mouth hug.”
ME: You can’t tell anybody else about this place . . . This is our place.
She stops and says:
HER: Well, if it’s our place, then we should christen it somehow?
ME: You mean like break a champagne bottle over the side of it?
HER: No, not exactly . . .
Well it didn’t take a genius to figure out what she meant, but sadly that wasn’t going to be in the cards–I didn’t have any condoms on me.
NOTE: Things happen when you least expect them. The best advice is just to always be prepared. Take condoms with you wherever you go (even if it’s just to the supermarket), and have you place clean and your bed made, even if you don’t plan on having company over. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
So, we just fool around a little bit longer and then head back to the bar. As soon as we stepped back inside we both went our separate ways. I found Timmy and told him everything and ended up having a couple more makeouts before the night was over, but It was what happened in the dollhouse that topped it all off for me. I never actually got the girl’s name, and I never saw her again after that, but I’m pretty sure it was a night that we both won’t soon forget.
It’s a beautiful thing.
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