Gettin’ “Checked Out” At Trader Joe’s
I was grocery shopping with my buddies at the local Trader Joe’s yesterday. It was your typical grocery run (eggs, fruit, coffee, what have you), but I have to say, events did get a little more interesting once we got up to the counter to check out.
As we approached, we noticed a cute blonde manning the register (I’m not a big fan of blondes, but I give credit when credit’s due). As she began emptying the cart I blurted out, “Crap, we forgot to get the dental dams.” Everyone cracked up, including the blonde. Blushing a little as she scanned, she said, “You can’t daze me, I’ve heard it all.” My friends and I begged to differ as one of my buddies brought up a story, I was telling the night before, of the first time a girl ever stuck her finger up my ass during sex.
This impromptu tale of eccentric debauchery stimulated a whole table discussion on accidental anal pleasures, at which point the blonde started to slow down, considerably, the rate of scanning and bagging the groceries as she looked around to see if her manager was anywhere around.
The manager didn’t seem to be anywhere in sight, though as I looked around I noticed a very aggravated old lady wearing a shower cap standing right behind me. She glared at me for a moment, then I turned back to spit out some more of my own unique brand of impassive charm.
The blonde looks at me and asks, “What’s your sign?” I mentally make the little masturbating hand motion in my brain.
NOTE: I know a lot of chicks seem to be really into astrology and whatnot, but I personally can’t ever seem to get on board with that stuff. It’s kinda stupid to me.
Nevertheless, I play along.
Me: Virgo.
Her: Hmm, you don’t act like a Virgo.
Me: How is a Virgo supposed to act? Id like to believe my personality isn’t heavily relying on what day of the year I was born to sustain itself.
Her: You guys (she meant me) should come by everyday. Did you notice how slow I was bagging your stuff?
Me: Well don’t tell that to the lady in the shower cap. She looks like she’s got somewhere to be.
We grabbed our groceries and left on a high note.
The good news is I know where to find her if ever I decide I want to start dating blondes. Next time I might just get her information anyway because we’re always havin’ house parties, and it might be nice to have her in the loop just in case she has any cute Asian or Latina friends.
NOTE: It’s always nice to have a couple of cute chick friends (and gay friends for that matter) in your social circle. It opens up windows of opportunity and keeps outings with your friends from being total sausage fests.
I hope she didn’t get in too much trouble for inappropriate conduct (’cause it was definitely inappropriate), but in the end, I feel good knowing I helped increase morale in the Trader Joe’s workforce, and definitely made the girl’s night.
It’s a beautiful thing.
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